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But after a myriad of false starts, break-ups, and confusing relationships, I realized how much unnecessary stock people put into dating for the sake of seeking that elusive external validation and how little they put into finding it within themselves.

This quantity over quality mentality causes us to aim low, seeking opportunity rather than true compatibility.

What you need to understand is that being picky is more about seeking quality over quantity.” Just because you can date doesn’t mean you need to accept every offer you get.

A friend of mine once said, "Dating makes you feel better about yourself.

This unspoken implication breeds negativity and desperation, which is toxic.

And low self-esteem never attracted good into anyone’s life.

” still resonating in the back of my head, I actually considered the notion: Was I too picky? In my small group of friends, I’m always coined as the hopeless romantic—handwritten letters never fail to make me swoon, I love meeting in coffee shops and talking about books, and I object to anything less than a real date (obviating any kind bar scene) with a proper follow-up.

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On the contrary, I think being "picky" means respecting yourself and your values to the extent that you don't want to waste anyone's time on something that isn't right for you.You feel more interesting, more confident, and more valuable.It forces you to see yourself under new light and, in turn, helps you realize how you truly are." At the time this sentiment resonated with me.“I think this time it’s your fault.”The words fell out of my friend’s mouth with a kind of apathy I had grown used to.I could see the look of contempt tossed at me from across the room as I rehashed my latest dating conundrum.If my friends feel skeptical of my decision to not pursue a relationship with a man, I would prefer them to make more of an effort to understand my rationale before writing me off as petty.Just like I do for them if I feel they aren't giving themselves enough credit by maybe aiming too low.I had met a guy, we had gone out for dinner; in theory he was perfect, but in reality I had found he lacked tangible life goals and direction.Even though he had a lot going for him in terms of personality—he was humble, kind, and honest—much was still left to be desired.“I know what the real problem is,” my friend said.And so I surround myself with people who share these same ideals.But dating standards get confusing in a society that frowns upon settling for less with the same vigor it smiles upon casual dating and hooking up.The last thing I told my friend was this: All in all, I never want my search for a suitable man to mean that I stop looking for qualities that really matter. I am a woman who knows what she wants, and I think that's a good thing.Every girl deserves a good guy, but let’s be realistic–there’s only one Ryan Gosling, and he’s not available to most of us.While my friends sometimes see these prerequisites as self-inflicted limitations, I beam from the fact that I get to cater to what I want most in a partner.I know I look for someone whose deeper qualities outweigh his superficial ones—someone with morals, values, and goals that match my own.

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I know that I will eventually find someone, but when they talk like this it makes me feel like it won’t happen.

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