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Dating is complicated enough on its own, but when you add some truly awful advice into the mix, it can be downright impossible to find love.

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If you are confident God called you to marry, he will deliver. There must be a secret bylaw passed down from the early church fathers, but once you reach the age of 25 you will be asked the question almost weekly…”When are you getting married?In the Bible, all you’ll find are guidelines on sex and marriage, and these are pretty simple: don’t sleep with anyone outside of marriage, don’t commit adultery once you’re married, and treat your romantic partner with love, kindness, and passion.But Christian culture, it seems, is stuck at the awkward stage between those old courtship rituals and the modern-day world.Dating with a trajectory towards marriage doesn’t mean you only date one person ever. So, if you choose not to get coffee or watch a movie with the opposite sex, then whatever. The ultimate purpose of marriage is sanctification (becoming like God). If you have no idea what values are important to you in a future spouse, exit the road to marriage at the next off ramp. That would be awesome, but it’s not always realistic. If you are a Christian, God isn’t a piece of your pie. Why date someone who doesn’t even have God as a piece of the pie? Pull over at the closest gas station and decide what you want in a future spouse. Your list is designed to give you a framework for dating, not be a checklist for it. Your heart and the holiness of marriage are too important to flippantly give away because you are frustrated, impatient, or settling. Without a Christian spouse, one of two things will happen: you will drift away from God or your spouse will become a functional god (more on this later). There is another dangerous mentality in Christian circles I want to address…”flirting to convert.” Look…Christians are called to be missionaries. The dating world, however, is not the place to be a missionary. It means dating someone who meets the values and goals you have for a future spouse (more on that later). Casual or purposeless dating has no benefit for Christians. We are designed to know why we do stuff and where we are going. Now, please, please, please don’t be a freakish weirdo. It involves sharing personal struggles and vulnerability. If you believe God is preparing you for foreign missions, is it important the person you marry shares this passion? If you love the Cowboys and your future spouse loves the Packers, is it important to work through this before marriage? But, the authority of Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are out of balance. Physical touch should be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal need. Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits. 7) Is there too much physical and too little other? Physical touch/intimacy should correspond with commitment. This doesn’t mean anything goes if you are engaged. What is your motivation -- power and control, gratifying your own ego, meeting a selfish need, or genuine affection? If you feel convicted of certain behaviors, stop doing them. I am fearful the Christian community has irresponsibly coerced men and women into marriage through cultural pressure. If you aren’t ready for marriage, or if you do not want to get married, you are not sinning.




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