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Dave sat behind his desk, wearing sweats and clutching a football. On my first day, I settled into my office, located on the main hallway of our offices at 30 Rock, across from the copy room. It all seemed friendly until just before he exited, when he made an offbeat prediction.“Before this is over,” he said, pointedly, “I will see a tampon fall out of your purse.”I felt strangely shaken as he walked away.

I’d prepared some jokes, but my main task was to convey that I could fit in. Over the years, when I’ve repeated this story, friends have usually reacted with confusion.“Why would he have said that?

He moved down the row, stopping in front of each staffer and encouraging them, “Harder.

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For the rest of the meeting, the pencils hovered above me like little swords of Damocles. Now turn it down.”Writing for would mean a 75-percent pay cut for me (and by extension, less money for him). This was my dream job and my chance to work for the funniest man on television. One stopped to introduce himself and chat about mutual friends.I don’t think that writer acted consciously, but by mentioning a tampon, he singled me out by what set me apart.Every day I caught a glimpse of the boss when he passed my office at about A. Dave walked the halls briskly, like a guy hurrying home in a rainstorm.Sometimes while racing to his office in the morning, he’d break his stride and pause outside my door.“Hey, how’s it going? I looked forward to the occasions when he stopped by, until one day in the writers’ room, we landed on a timely idea.Some of the writers wanted the head writer to pitch it to Dave immediately so we could run with the premise that night. He preferred to wait and call Dave in his car.“Or,” he said, “perhaps Nell could pitch it to Dave the next time he’s in her office.”It was just an offhand comment, but I took it as an insinuation that I was forming a less-than-professional relationship with the boss.Since retiring, Dave has grown a long white beard and looks like his home address is a deserted island. Dave combined a Midwest “aw-shucks-ness” with a New York City “fuck-you-ness,” and the result was irresistible. Julia Roberts and Drew Barrymore openly flirted with him on camera. ” My friend’s complete confidence that she could fix Dave led me to coin a proverb: “A woman who thinks it would be fun to date David Letterman is a woman who knows nothing about show business.”Show business attracts performers driven by the for approval . A few minutes later, I heard Dave storming from the elevator to his office.“You know what I’m gonna do? “I’m gonna go to Connecticut, shut all the doors and windows, and pump my house full of snot!Behind the scenes, a stunning, Emmy Award-winning blonde actress once complained to a producer, “Why won’t Dave f--k me? A book editor friend once pleaded with me to get her a date with my then boss.“He seems so miserable on the show,” she told me. ”Another time, Dave was so distressed that during the show’s postmortem, he made a group of producers and staffers line up.About seven minutes later, Steve would gather his papers and say, “Well, I guess I’ll go call Dave.”Even this minimal interaction was reduced in 1993, when Dave and his staff left NBC to create offices, at the Ed Sullivan Theater, Dave and the writers were no longer on the same floor.At first, a locked glass door to the executive suite opened with a swipe of any of the writers’ security badges, but supposedly Dave kept forgetting his, so they installed a thumbprint-recognition system.In those days, Dave rarely set foot in the writers’ room and preferred to hear pitches over the car phone on his drive home.The writers would generate ideas during the day, and then we’d break for that night’s taping.Only funny.”Despite Dave’s bullying tactics, everyone in the office was eager to please him. The creative process is often wrapped up in bottomless anxiety, and when the world applauds the product of that process, it soothes the anxiety. Yet his perception seemed to be that every joke tanked and every show was lame.It was practically built into the job description, which boiled down to, “Make Dave happy.” When you’re working that hard to please one person, it starts to feel like infatuation, and the women—and men—who worked on the show routinely fell in love with the boss. One Friday, Dave finished taping what I thought was a fine and entertaining hour of television—a perfect kickoff to a weekend.The following excerpt fills out her original story, “Letterman and Me,” offering insider details about working with Letterman, how she got the job in the first place, and how the show attacked her after she spoke up.It also features a surprise appearance by Matt Lauer offering some unsurprising opinions. But I did have dinner with Warren and one other guy.




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